Duke Frederick, hereinafter called "Freddy" or "Fred," deposed his elder brother, Duke Senior, which would normally lead to the conclusion that Freddy should be called "Duke Junior" or else there is, perhaps, another brother who should be called "Duke Junior" or "Duke III." Anyhow, there were a number of people, including Duke Senior, who looked upon this act with some degree of disapprobation. But Freddy was not all bad: he tolerated his brother's daughter, Rosalind, who was his daughter Celia's best buddy.

In the meanwhile, just down the street a bit, there stood the rather impressive home of Oliver of the Woods in which also lived his brother, Orlando of the Woods, and there was a third brother named Jake who appears, more or less, later in our story. At this point, it would be appropriate to note that Oliver was not the only Oliver in the story and Jakes appear by the dozen. The story begins with Orlando, who is sometimes called Orlie, bitching to the old family retainer, whose name was Adam but, to avoid confusion, he is referred to herein as Jake. Orlie's beef with Ollie is that, under the will of their late father, Roland of the Woods, generally referred to as Rollie, Ollie is obligated to raise Orlie as a gentleman, using a bequest to meet the costs. The third brother, Jake, was being so educated, but Ollie had it in for Orlie and wouldn't spend a farthing on Orlie's education despite the provisions of Rollie's will. So, Orlie collared Ollie and they had a bit of a row which endeared Orlie to Ollie not at all. After all, Orlie only wanted an education, perhaps at Duke University. Anyhow, Ollie stormed out of the room, hurling deprecations at Orlie and Jake (Adam).

Ollie's servant informs Ollie that his wrestler, Charles (called Chollie) has arrived. Duke Freddy announces that there will be a wrestling match and Chollie tells Ollie that he has heard that Orlie will come in a disguise to try to beat Chollie who, it seems, just about slaughtered three other wrestlers in previous matches. When Chollie tells Ollie that if Orlie goes against him, he might hurt Orlie, Ollie is ecstatic and gives Chollie the green light.

Orlie, of course, beats Chollie, and Duke Freddy demands to know who Orlie is. When he is told that Orlie is the son of Rollie, Freddy's erstwhile bitter enemy, he goes ballistic. When Celia, Rosalind and Orlie are alone, Rosalind gives Orlie her necklace as a reward for his gallantry. In those days, one supposes, it was quite all right for a man, particularly a gallant man, to sport a woman's necklace. In fact, a man who wears a woman's necklace would have to be gallant, plus a number of other things. Instantly, Orlie falls deeply in love with Rosalind. But there are other matters brewing which will arrest the attentions of the threesome.

As was to be expected, Freddy comes sailing into the scene under a full head of steam and he is furious. Addressing himself to Rosalind, he tells her that she is banished and to "get thee to a nunnery." Actually, that line is from another play and does not appear in this one at all, but it should. Freddy declares that if Rosalind is found within 32 kilometers of his ducal palace, she will be slain.

Well! This is no way to behave to an attractive young woman, particularly if she is your own niece, and a three-way shouting match ensues involving the perturbed Rosalind, the fawning Celia, and the adamant Freddie. When Freddie leaves, Celia tells her cousin that she will pack her bags and they will run away together to the forest where Rosalind's dad, Duke Senior, holds sway. The girls realize, however, that the forest holds dangers for two comely young 'uns and that they are less likely to attract the attention of thieves if one of them is dressed as a boy.

Rosalind decides that she is the one who should be dressed as a boy since she is the taller of the two, but she will need a boy's name. She decides to adopt the name "Callisto." Celia agrees to dress as a country lass and take the name "Immigranta," but there appears to be no valid reason for her to assume a phony name except to complicate this story.

Now these arrangements should give one pause and should occasion serious reflection for several reasons. First of all, while we certainly understand why a boy's garb and name might deter thieves, no explanation is offered as to what protection, if any, these actions would provide against wild animals in the forest. Moreover, if boys' clothing and names would somehow shield against harm, it must be somewhat disconcerting to Celia that she, nevertheless, goes into the forest as a young girl. Does no one care for poor Celia-cum-Immigranta?

Finally, this business of cross-dressing and adopting weird new names is bound to cause trouble. For example, what happens if, in the forest, Rosalind/Callisto has to "go"? Does she "go" like a boy or like a girl? And what if someone is watching? As will become apparent, the forest is, indeed, swarming with people. With questionable good sense, the girls persuade Touchstone, one of Freddy's fools (Chollie might be considered another!), to accompany them, but he is allowed to retain his name and gender. It seems that the girls could have found a more impressive protector than a court jester, but hey! you take what you can get.

Having accomplished this, the girls, with commendable foresight, scurry home to collect their cash and jewelry from the various wall safes to meet any expenses which they might incur in shopping for appropriate clothing to wear in a forest setting. One also wonders who is expected to carry all the clothes that girls customarily take with them on trips. Touchstone? Well, yes. Incidentally, it would be instructive to learn how and where Rosalind acquired boys' clothing, but no such explanation is offered.

In the meanwhile, in the Forest of Arden, we get the first look at Duke Senior and his merry band in what is referred to as a pastoral setting. He is lamenting the necessity of killing a deer in its own habitat. We also learn of the musings of the forlorn Jake who is sitting on the ground beside a wounded deer and bemoaning its fate. We discover that the Duke takes pleasure in engaging in philosophic banter with Jake and he sets about now to engage Jake in repartée.

Actually, this glance at the Duke and Jake has nothing to do with the story and adds very little to it, but things are happening back at the Ducal properties as Freddy learns that Celia, Rosalind, and Touchstone are all missing and (no fool, the Duke) he figures out that the three runaways have run away. He is also told that, when last seen, the two girls were busy talking about Orlie whom they surely missed sorely. Ah hah! exclaims the Duke as he concludes that the three have gone to join Orlie in the Forest of Arden. As we know, the Duke's conclusions are not yet correct, although they will be shortly. Freddy then demands that Orlie be brought before him and, failing that, that Ollie be brought to him. Did anyone notice or care that Adam, sometimes called Jake, might also be missing? As a matter of fact, neither one was missing at this point and both were in Freddy's house. But not for long.

When Orlie returns home or, more properly, to Ollie's digs, before he can even close the door, Adam (Jake) is upon him warning him that Ollie plans to kill Orlie by setting fire to his bedroom, but Ollie must have given this method some second thoughts because he must have realized whose house he would be setting on fire. Ollie, Jake (Adam) continues, has determined to put down Orlie by one method or another and, in any event, they must flee that very night. Orlie suddenly remembers that he is trained to do absolutely nothing and therefore could not earn a living. As we all know, this is not necessarily true, but we'll let it stay at that. Jake then retrieves a bag containing his life's savings and offers it to Orlie. Orlie, the cad, takes the money and starts out for the forest with Jake tottering after him.

At the outskirts of the forest, Rosalind, Celia and Touchstone stop to rest after their exhausting trip. Enter the shepherd Silvius accompanied by his older friend, Corin. Silvius is running off at the mouth about Phebe, his love, who repeatedly spurns him. Touchstone greets Corin in a haughty fashion and is about to lose contact when Rosalind intervenes and, in a manner not characteristic of the young boy she pretends to be, requests food and a place to stay. Corin explains that he is only a shepherd and works for a master who does not readily offer hospitality. Besides, his master is selling the cottage and flock to Silvius who is so smitten with love for Phebe that he shows no inclination toward the purchase.

Rosalind and Celia see a rare opportunity and instantly offer to buy the cottage, pasturage and flocks, promising to retain Corin on the payroll and to give him a raise. Curiously, Corin does not even appear to wonder how two such young people came into the money to buy the property. Moreover, the purchasers appear to be under age for buying real estate and have improvidently acquired the property without a title search or title insurance. In fact, there has not even been a settlement; there is no lawyer to draft all of the papers and to record them. It is probably this token of civilization that so attracts the girls to a life in the forest.

While this is going on, Duke Senior and several of his companions-in-exile, including the melancholy Jake (he of the bewailing over a wounded deer), lay out a picnic while they discuss the tranquility and beauty of their rustic existence. They are just about to eat when the rash Orlie breaks into their midst brandishing his sword and commanding them to stop eating. This would be somewhat difficult for them to do because nobody has even started to eat yet.

Eventually, the atmosphere becomes more calm and Orlie explains his situation and mission, i.e., to save his elderly companion, Jake (a/k/a Adam). Orlie whispers his identity into the Duke's ear, although there seems to be no pressing need for such confidentiality. Assured by the Duke that Orlie, the son of old Rollie, the Duke's erstwhile bosom buddy and bitter enemy of Duke Freddy, and Adam (a/k/a Jake), will find a welcome and food and drink with the band of merry men, Orlie leaves to find Jake-Adam and the Duke observes to Jake that it is obvious that they are not the only ones with trouble in this world and that more unhappy events are presented than that in which they have just played a part.

This is what Jake has been waiting for all this time---a chance to give his "All the world's a stage" speech. The speech, which Jake has been

privately rehearsing since the beginning of this story, culminates with Jake's listing of the seven ages of man, each with an explanatory phrase or two. We will not review that list here because it is too painful. Just as Jake finishes his speech, Orlie appears, carrying Jake and after Jake has had food and drink, the whole crowd repairs to the Duke's cave.

Back at Freddy's palace, Ollie stands quaking in his boots. Freddy has just ordered Ollie to produce Orlie within a year or else Ollie will be tossed out of the dukedom and his lands will be forfeited to Freddy. Ah hah again. Now we see the real reason for Freddy's demand that Ollie find Orlie or not to bother to return. The plot thickens as we see Ollie searching for Orlie and Orlie searching for Rosalind and Silvius searching for Phebe and---where will it all end?

Orlie enters the scene carrying some paper signs, a hammer, some tacks, a staple gun and a box of staples. In complete disregard of the environmental laws, he attaches papers to nearly every tree he happens upon and carves his love poems into the remainder; the signs contain love poems to Rosalind. Rosalind, as well as Celia, have collected some of the poems from the trees (but not the ones that have been carved) as we would expect of good environmentalists. Celia tells Rosalind that she knows who the lovesick poet is and after teasing Rosalind a while, she reveals that it is---surprise!---Orlie. She has seen Orlie stapling up some poems and the last she saw of him, he was wearing a camouflage suit and was collapsed on the ground at the foot of a tree.

The lovers meet, but Orlie doesn't realize that it is to Rosalind that he is speaking. We never said that he was too swift! Anyhow, for no apparent reason, she decides to tease him, and torment him she does. Ultimately, Orlie confesses that he is the lovesick puppy who has gone around damaging the trees.

Now it appears that Rosalind has a real mean streak in her nature and, finding it an amusing pastime to torment Orlie, she offers to cure Orlie of his affliction. Rosalind requires that Orlie pretend that she (acting the part of Callisto) is Rosalind and Orlie must visit Callisto in his/her cottage every day in order to practice courting Callisto who will impersonate Rosalind.

What did you say? Yes. In setting up this business with a young lad whose testosterone is flowing freely, Rosalind is surely inviting disaster as Orlie courts her in the privacy of her cottage. One also might be troubled by the situation which finds a male courting what he imagines to be another male. The signs of danger had appeared early, you will recall, when the propriety of cross-dressing was under consideration. Nevertheless, Rosalind sets up the situation which allows her to be a coquette, teasing Orlie and and putting him through his paces like a puppy in training. In fact, there is very little difference between the two. Rosalind has him calling her Rosalind instead of Callisto, of course.

Now, let us see: Rosalind is really Rosalind but calls herself Callisto and tells Orlie to call her Rosalind, which is where the whole thing started. One wonders how long Rosalind can continue to remember who she is at any given time and under any given circumstances.

Predictably, the cross-dressing gambit gets Rosalind in some difficulty, not with Orlie, but with Phebe, the object of Silvius' ardent pursuit. But other passions are on the loose in the forest as we discover Touchstone wooing Audrey with intentions which are clearly less than honorable. Audrey is a farm wench whose physical attributes far surpass her mental ones. Touchstone's efforts, however, are more successful than those of Silvius, largely because his erudition fascinates her and she does not discourage his advances.

Touchstone and Audrey agree to marry and they send for Sir Oliver Martex ("Ollie"), the local vicar, to perform the ceremonies while Jake amuses himself with thoughts about the fitness of this match. When Ollie arrives, he finds that there is no one around to give away the bride (and this is one bride who you would think that everybody would be eager to give away). Jake agrees to fill the void, but he suggests that a priest be used to perform the rites because he has doubts as to the validity of any marriage rites performed by Ollie. Although Touchstone finds the idea of a non-binding marriage appealing, he goes off with Audrey and Jake to find someone to perform a legal marriage.

Before this point is reached, Corin, Callisto and Immigranta conceal themselves as they watch Silvius pressing his suit on Phebe. Well, he wasn't exactly pressing his suit on her; he was groveling before her and protesting his love. Well, he wasn't exactly protesting; he was---let's see, where were we? Phebe was treating Silvius so cruelly that Callisto bursts out of his hiding place and scolds Phebe for her cavalier treatment of Silvius. As she is being castigated by Callisto, Phebe feels a sudden surge of passion and an attraction for Callisto and when this session ends and everybody, except Phebe and Silvius, has left, Phebe composes a letter to Callisto which she tells the illiterate Silvius is a letter which taunts Callisto for his public reprimand of her and she dispatches it by Silvius.

The love-stricken Orlie arrives at the cottage a couple of hours late for his session with Callisto, but prior to his arrival, Phebe's letter is delivered by Silvius. Callisto reads the letter which, as could have been guessed, is a love letter. Callisto sends Silvius back to Phebe with what is an unconditional rejection.

The pace of the story now accelerates as Ollie appears and gives Callisto a bloody handkerchief which, Ollie explains, is from Orlie. Ollie says that while he was sleeping under a tree in the forest, he was discovered by Orlie who saw a serpent wrapped around Ollie's neck, but the serpent was frightened by the appearance of Orlie and disentangled itself. Come on, now! There is a limit to credulity and that strains the limits; we will ignore that episode.

But the dangers have not yet passed as Orlie fights off a lioness who attacks Ollie. The bloody handkerchief was used by Orlie to stanch the blood from a wound inflicted by the lioness. When Ollie realizes that the brother whom he hates has now twice saved his life (if we count the phony snake story), he repents and they are reconciled. When Ollie goes to tell Callisto and Immigranta what has happened, he falls in love instantly with Immigranta.

Ollie reports that he is in love with Immigranta who has consented to marry him. In that civilization, apparently people wasted little time between being offered a proposition of marriage and the acceptance or rejection thereof. Ollie promises to turn over to Orlie the land and property which belonged to their father, Rollie, and to live as a shepherd. The wedding is arranged for the following day.

Callisto enters and hears Orlie lamenting the fact that he is unable to go to the altar with his true love. Callisto tells Orlie that when Ollie and Immigranta get married the following day, Orlie will marry Rosalind. Trust him! Callisto explains that he can fulfill this promise because he is endowed with certain magical powers. Curiously, no one challenges this assertion; perhaps they were humoring him or they thought that he was no stranger than the other characters in this story. In any event, the couples are joined by Silvius and Phebe, the latter expressing her love for Callisto and the former expressing his love for the latter.

Not to be outdone, Touchstone and Audrey agree to marry also on the next day. The following morning finds Duke Senior, three or four Jakes and a gang of other expatriots eagerly assembled to witness the multiple nuptials to be celebrated that day. Callisto requires Phebe to promise that if she, Phebe, refuses to marry Callisto when the opportunity is presented to her, that she, Phebe, will then marry Silvius, no questions asked.

This seems to Phebe to be a pretty safe bet and she confidently agrees. She is so sure of her commitment and her unquenchable passion for Callisto that she cannot conceive of any circumstances which could occur to induce her to forego marrying Callisto. In fact, she gives no thought as to why this promise was exacted from her in the first place.

Having thus assured herself that Phebe can no longer represent a threat to the success of her scheme, Rosalind casts aside her male attire and shows up as... Rosalind. As Phebe gapes at the indisputably female figure now standing before her, she realizes that biological factors do, indeed, make it impossible for her to win her gamble. The disconcerted Phebe, with no feasible alternatives, gives herself to Silvius and agrees to marry him. Orlie, heart all a-flutter, joins at last his elusive true love, although he is probably wondering what new surprises she might have in store for him next. The four couples are married and it looks like a happy ending and a good place to bring this story to a close.

But there are a couple of loose ends which remain to be tied up. A character who has not heretofore made an appearance in this story unexpectedly turns up. It is Jake of the Woods, the brother of Ollie and Orlie and the third son of the late Rollie. Jake announces that the exiles are all free to return to their homes. How did he find this crowd in the middle of the woods and how come he is the one who ends up bringing the good news? We don't know and we won't ask.

He explains that Freddy had assembled an army with the intention of invading the forest and taking his brother, Duke Senior, into custody, executing him, and rescuing his own daughter, Celia, from the band of "outlaws." At the outskirts of the forest (forests always have outskirts, whatever they are), however, Freddy encountered a deeply religious hermit and, being forced by the holy man to see the error of his ways, he was quickly converted to a life of piety and religious fervor. As a by-product of this metamorphosis, Freddy restores to all of the exiles the land and property which they had forfeited to him and he also surrenders to his brother, Duke Senior, the crown, lands and property, which he had seized when he deposed Duke Senior.

And they all lived happily ever after.

return to top