Unfortunately, by sad experience, we have learned that, in many things, our Government has been, you might say, less than forthcoming with its promises of reform in how it conducts its business. The latest proclamation from Washington is a blockbuster! Our Congressmen and Senators have castigated the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) for its cavalier treatment of taxpayers, a practice in which that agency has engaged since the birth of the republic. Congress has now made it abundantly clear that it will no longer abide such conduct by the agency, notwithstanding the fact that the IRS has taken this "You are guilty" approach since it was created.The White House, in complete accord with Congress, has promised that all of this will change and we will soon see a new, gentle and understanding IRS. Well, let's just see how that would work out.

The telephone rings.You answer it and the voice on the other end coos a cheery

"Good morning, Mr, Taxpayer, I am from the IRS and---" but before he gets any further,your perspiration begins to flow copiously, your mouth is dry and you tremble fearfully. You blurt out "I haven't done anything wrong!"

Mr. Agent: Of course you haven't. Would you like to join me for breakfast, courtesy of Uncle Sam,of course?

Taxpayer: "Well, I---"

Mr. Agent: "My car is outside and I would be glad to drive you to the restaurant and back."

Taxpayer: (inaudibly) "If I go with him, it would be one-on-one and I would,indeed, be at his mercy. If I don't, I am dead meat, so I seem to have very little choice." They go to the restaurant together and, at the first opportunity, Mr. T asks Mr. Agent what it was that they were to discuss.

Mr. Agent: I hate to bring it up, but our records show that you haven't filed an income tax return in five years and you owe us approximately $150,000! It is important for you to file tax returns and pay your taxes in a timely fashion.

Mr. T: You're not going to take my car, are you?

Mr. Agent: Oh, good Heavens, no. We do not use such barbarous tactics anymore, but, frankly, we do need the money and we would be most appreciative if you could pay a little something on your bill. You see,I do have a personal interest in this because I can only feed my family if taxpayers will pay their taxes."{Sobbing}

Mr. T: Well, I understand that you want to feed your family, but why should I pay taxes when the Government doesn't do the things I want it to do? Why should I foot the bill for the Government's mistakes? No, I simply refuse to do it. Here, you can use my handkerchief.

Mr. A: Oh, please, please. PLEASE! If I don't show something for my efforts here today, I will be forced to make out a Form A-4402/16 Rev 8/98 and file it

together with an IRSForm 2987-367 and that will be entered on my C17-CU-5551.

Mr. T: And that's another thing. You have too many forms and your jargon is confusing and incomprehensible.

Mr. A: You are absolutely right. We welcome criticism from our taxpayers because, without that criticism, we would be unable to improve our service.We want criticism; we need your criticism. In fact, I would be very pleased if you brought my shortcomings to the attention of my supervisor. I just might have a supply of Keyho and SEP and SIMPLE forms which you file if you are also filing a Form 4052 where the entry on line 26, Part 16, exceeds the entry on line 47 by---

Mr.T: Stop! Didn't the Vice President issue orders that forms and instructions were to be couched in "plain English?" You call this "plain English?" I don't want to upset you, but sometimes it is necessary to get tough with the Government.Besides, I don't think it is anywhere near that figure.

Mr. A: Oh, that's all right. Just put down the figure that you think is correct. After all, if the Government can't trust its own taxpayers, who can it trust?

Mr. T: Yeah. Who can it trust?

Mr. A: You say that the Government doesn't do anything for you, but I am here to change all of that. Suppose, for example,that we were to pave Maple Street or build a new playground for the kids. Would you be willing to give us something on account? I think that I could even get the Government to build a bridge across Muddy Creek, although the creek has been dry for years!

Mr. T: Are you trying to bribe me? You know that bribing a Federal taxpayer is a serious offense and that you could end up in prison? What then would become of your paternal obligations to support your wife and kids?

Mr. A: Oh, no sir, no sir. I would never do such a thing. Would you like some more coffee and doughnuts?

Mr. T: No, but I'd be very careful about what I said to a certified Taxpayer if I were you. Pass the coffee cake.

Mr. A: With pleasure. How about some Danish and bagels?

Mr, T: No, thank you, but I'll take some more Eggs Benedict and I'll tell you what I'll do. You seem to be a nice enough guy and I'm willing to overlook the fact that you begged me to give you money---I'll have more champagne---and I will give you a few thousand bucks, but don't get the idea (let me have some of that fruit) that I am getting soft on the IRS.

Mr. A: Oh, my, thank you, thank you, thank you. You are, indeed, a gentleman. More cheese and caviar? I won't bother you about this again. You are truly a compassionate man. More bologna?

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